Dear Husband To Be,
I should follow up and tell you that I'm happy to report I am mostly debt free.  I have some toll fee drama to clear up and of course my student loans, but even the student loans are in a program with a plan and on their way to payoff.  When I'm all paid up I will have saved my family (you too maybe?) something crazy like $70,000!  You are proud of me for that, yes?  Cause I am quite proud.

I am winging it with no car right now and looking to add a little debt with that, but I've paid off a couple of cars and that should count for something.  I also have a slew of things for sale that I am hoping could make a dent in my efforts to get more financially stable.  My biggest triumph will be living within my means enough that I can be a regular tithe payer.  I'm so inconsistent at this point that I know I won't be comfortable with my financial situation until that is consistent.

I'm certain you will care about these money logistics.  I need you to care. 

I'm really wanting to attend a singles conference coming up, but it's also at the same time kind of the last thing in the world I want to do.  The thought of speed dating and dancing and being looked at in a way that others are deciding if I'm for them or not...........it all makes me quite sick at my stomach.  I over share.  I say all the wrong things.  Forced dancing is awkward.  I'd rather just feel the music and dance the night away in a totally free spirited kind of way.  Not in a "ask her to dance to get to know her" kind of way (see previously statement: I say all the wrong things).  I feel like the kind of lovely people don't get when they first see me.  They have to have time to ponder me a bit and decide if I'm for them.  In a sea of plenty, I don't see me being the one that catches an eye.  These types of things don't seem much like a good singles event kind of mix.  And what if I'm approached by a clearly not-for-me guy?  Do I go through the motions to be kind?  Of course I should...right?
At the same time, how will I ever get comfortable if I don't LEARN.  This truly is something I need to learn.  I know how to dance and talk and have fun.  I feel okay about the way I look, and it's possible someone else might too.  (girls of course always do...it's the boys that don't notice so much)
I once had a 32 year old single girl tell me at church that every time she sees me she sees art.  And the very same day, a 32 year old single guy (who I'd met at least 3 times before) asked me "what's your name again?"  (and the first time I introduced myself to him he said to me, "I know who you are" in such an interesting almost flirtatious way!)

Okay so I'm going to go.  I'm going to register and attend and practice my heart out so that when it's time to meet you I will be comfortable enough to make it happen.  It probably wouldn't be fantastic to throw up on you because of all the over analyzing that goes into these sorts of things. 
You should know how hard this is for me.
Your Sweetheart To Be,
Stephanie