Dear Husband to Be,
There are some days when I feel like I'm living more for you than others. Well, I mean days that I am living more with you in mind. This blog, puts you in my mind. Often I am mostly aware of the idea of you...the logistics, the simplicity of getting to function with my best friend, not having to making every darn decision on my own, getting to have you there for all those little moments I wish someone else got to see/feel/experience with me. Like that cute boy of mine doing something...cute. or hilarious. or so kind for someone else that it sends in instant lump in your throat. I know those aren't only sentimental motherly feelings. I know that you will delight in them, too. Or even my own small victories and moments of bliss, and totally hilarious blunders (cause they are frequent and interesting). One day I will tell you why I hestitate before going intoWalgreens. It will be nice to have you there.
What I think these letters will do to me most is remind me of what it might feel like to know you. The idea of you is simple, obvious logistics. But the feeling of you is something harder to imagine. It's harder to get right. It's harder to understand and know. It's the feeling that I am scared to get swept away in and then all sense of rationality goes flying out the window. I like that I can tap into the feeling of you a smidge and maintain my sense of self. You should know I am not a fan of not knowing/understanding myself. So I'm sure at some point in our dating I will get incredibly overwhelmed by my feelings and have a total freak-out. It's okay...give me a second to process and when I understand me (or am comfortable with that moment of not understanding), all will be right in the world.
Today while I finish up the laundry and organizing of the ol treehouse I will do it with you in mind. It's really for the boy, but I often think that when we are in order and progressing it's bringing us closer to you.
Are you doing the same?
Your Sweetheart to Be,
Stephanie
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